Believing when all hope seems lost and the final stages of soul love disconnection…
This past weekend I went to a spiritual retreat. It was something I needed as part of my healing process. For the past 16 months I’ve been dealing with pain that came out of nowhere and has decided to takeup residence in my leg. Some would say sciatica, some say hip rotation with tight muscles strangling the life out of the sciatic nerve, some say disc issues. Yet when an MRI is done, there is nothing showing on it to explain why I was unable to walk for 6 weeks. Everything was minor, nothing that could be operated on. Noone could explain the level of pain and resulting symptoms of what I was experiencing. Yet there I was screaming in unmentionable pain, and unable to move. Thank God for friends and family who took care of everything at home.
The retreat was incredible. The first night there was a sound healing with at least 30 singing bowls and 2 hanging drums. I sat down & went out cold! When it was done I got up and felt no pain till at least 2pm the next day! I couldn’t believe it. It rained that night and the fallings from the trees were on the ground and following the ground water flow… when it was done, there was the face of Mother Mary. See Below. We were all in awe of her face. She was right at the entrance to the building we were all staying in. I mention this because with all I experienced, nothing “normal” helped me except the spiritual happenings. Read on…
If you’ve read the post of cutting karmic ties of soul love, and connected with it then you will understand how this all ties in. It’s been 8 years now and as much as I have let go, I am still there. Though healthier, and having grown immensely, I would not go back to what was. The hope for change still lingers but I know how these things work and if one is unwilling to heal, then nothing can move forward. And I am, and will continue to do so. I have to for my own souls growth. I get texts every few months, and even thought I could handle a phone conversation. I thought… wow he’s finally getting it. Until he talked on….. Then I realized that no matter how much one is loved or loves another, if they are unwilling to let go of fear and truly heal their heart, they remain stuck. And on I go… That conversation set me back a bit. But I learned what I needed to learn. I heard what I needed to hear in order to let go. And I found peace. Not only for myself but also for his soul. I was able to truly wish him happiness and peace. That shifted alot in my world.
Fast forward a few months…. After acupuncture, chiropractor, massage, PT, spinal doctors, and just about giving up. A woman came into my life that saved me from letting go of myself. She was magical in how she treated me and I was able to walk again. She helped me for many months at the end of her very long days. I don’t know if she knows how grateful I am. But after giving up on myself for so long and gaining weight because I couldn’t understand the whole relationship thing, and not doing what I needed to do for myself (losing the weight) because of that, I wasn’t getting better. I think it took it’s toll on her and she stopped seeing me. I don’t blame her. I wasn’t in a good place and could not get out of my own way. But in leaving me, it left me to decide if I was going to live my life or “die”. I don’t mean that literally, but in essence I was not living at all. I was existing. You’d think the pain would have been enough to get me going, but my mind and lack of will was stronger. Until she left. I didn’t realize at the time that that was exactly what needed to happen. It forced me to pick myself up and start taking care of myself. I’ve lost 23 lbs. now and am still going.
I’ve been seeing a wonderful Spiritual healer (Melanie Holden from Pelham, NH). She was recommended to me by another wonderful friend (Sholeh Sexton owner of Massage Therapy Center, Crowne Plaza Hotel in Nashua NH) who was helping me via massage and energy healing. Yes I do Energy Healing but for whatever reason I could not help myself in this way. So I trusted God to lead me to whoever he felt could help me.. and synchronistically he brought me to Sho, who brought me to Melanie. They have helped me immensely and in my last session with Melanie I got the symptoms that I normally see others have when I work on them… so I got a taste of my own medicine. ha ha ha I was freezing cold and it took 3 blankets to warm me. That is how much energy was released. One of my past lives came up and the pain of that life, which included the soul love from this life (above), and it was released! When I got up I knew everything in my world had shifted. The pain is not completely gone but it’s on its way out! I had no idea that I was dealing with this other life but it came forth and was ready to be healed and sent on it’s way with love and appreciation for it’s lessons.
I tried every “normal” treatment for this pain and the only thing that has ever helped is the beautiful Divine Energy Healing from the hearts of beautiful souls that truly cared only about helping me be free of this. I have learned so much about healing from Sholeh and Melanie. It will not ever be forgotten. I plan to bring my whole heart in whatever way it needs to come forth into all of my healing sessions with others. Much in the same way they have with me. I have never known such selfless love and I am truly grateful. I know now that I am on the path to recovery, COMPLETELY!
This side path of my journey has taught me that there is so much more to what we experience physically than just the norm. Yes, I knew this, but I’d never experienced it. Now I deeply understand the pain that others go through on a daily basis. I pray for them and for the ability to be a strong channel of Divine light for them. If I do nothing else while I’m here but to heal the pain of others and the heartache associated with their physical symptoms, then I will go *home* in peace.
I truly believe these are the final stages of the grief I have felt and held inside for the past few years. Most close to me haven’t wanted to hear of this because it had gone on for so long and I didn’t have the self worth to choose myself over healing his pain. I’m not sure I would do it differently, except maybe shorten it. But I believe that the lesson in what we went through was to help each other grow and to heal as much as possible. The rest is up to us. I continue to heal. I am not afraid. Because if I do not face my fears head on, then my soul weeps and my body responds…. painfully! He has had similar leg issues…. funny huh? We mirror each other. I can only hope that my healing myself will help him to heal himself. If we truly are flames of one soul…. then he will heal as well. In that I find peace. Soulmates are not always meant to be together in a particular lifetime… sometimes they are just meant to clear away past “issues” so those issues do not go forward into the next life. Soulmates are not always romantic. Sometimes they are your best friend, or your siblings, parents, or children. They are part of your soul family. I’ve found in this life that I have a HUGE soul family and I am forever grateful for them. 🙂
For those of you that have written to me from all over the world, I highly recommend Jeff Brown’s book, “An Uncommon Bond”. It will help you understand sooooo much and maybe if you’re ready, to also let go…
Angel Blessings to you all,
Love & Light,