Letting go of logic and believing in something more…
I found myself today trying to describe what I do… a friend of mine that I havent seen in a little while asked about a class I was taking in Jaffrey, NH and I explained it was a metaphysical class. He wanted to know more. I have not shared any of this with him because I had no idea what his mindset was… And what’s funny is that whenever I pull cards after having seen this person, there is always one card that comes up faithfully… “Come out of the closet”. I’ve often wondered what it meant but now I think I finally do. The universe is telling me to share what I do. I dont think it’s specific to this one friend of mine… but it’s definately a message for some reason that I dont yet understand.
How do you tell someone that you can talk to angels? And they talk back? How do you tell them that you relay messages from people who have passed on to those they love. Energy work… a piece of cake in comparison. Though I found when trying to describe how that works… it’s very similar and involves intuition and angels guidance. We got interrupted so the conversation didn’t get as deep as it could have, but I found myself wondering what he thought of everything I’d said. I came home and emailed him the link to this blog. He was genuinely interested in what I was sharing.. He admitted that he didn’t completely understand it, but that he liked hearing about it. So I guess by sending him the link Im coming out of the preverbial closet. 🙂
Why is it that others can have these gifts and it’s ok… but when it’s us we feel like we’ll be judged? Maybe because it’s all new and noone ever knew us in this way before. I have to admit… it is hard to wrap my brain around it at times, but I feel so blessed to be able to do what I do now. It’s all I want to do for people. I guess I’ve known since I was little that I was different… never really fitting in. Always the one who was a deep thinker. The one who felt EVERYTHING. The one who no matter what anyone said or tried to teach had her own connection to the divine. THe one who would sing to the sky every night… bellowing out like noone could hear.. except God. I often wonder what my neighbors thought seeing this little girl singing to the sky. My step mother and my father felt that I thought too much. I guess I did.. but actually it was more of feeling too much. I could be inside myself and perfectly happy. But this wasn’t ok. So what happens… you turn it off. And then years later something happens.. or you meet someone.. and it all comes flooding back. You can almost remember… but not quite. But the more you sit in silence.. and just listen.. the more you hear.. see.. feel.. Now its all coming back 🙂 I am forever grateful.
I grew up on a lake not far from where I live now… I used to sing out over the lake in the summer.. and skate all over the lake in the winter. There weren’t any other year round homes at this time so it was just me. I had one friend that lived a few streets away and we could get lost in our imaginations. 🙂 I had the most fun with her. Can you imagine having an entire lake to yourself to skate and just lose yourself in thought… dream… and know without a shadow of a doubt that God was with you in every moment. LITERALLY! I dont think I knew just how close back then.. but when I look at the times when I should have drowned falling through the ice TWICE! and when I was swimming under water in the summer and could not come up. It felt like I could stay forever… but I never ran out of breath. I used to sit on that beach and watch as the sun would set and think… “this is the closest to heaven I could be”. Who thinks that way at 10 years old?
This is the beam of light that shot straight up to the sky a couple of weeks ago.
I remember burying a book near my home… it had my thoughts.. and I recall wanting to be gone from this place. I didn’t fit in. I had friends and life wasn’t horrible.. but I was out of place. Very disconnected. Music helped me piece together all that I felt inside that didn’t fit with what was on the outside. There were very few people who could “see” me. My brother Jimmy and my friend Christine were two who could. But Jimmy is now in Heaven… and he lives his world with my son Brandon. And Christine… we haven’t spoken in years… I miss her. Back then I sang the lead in a musical called “Camelot”. 13 members of the Boston Symphony played the music. I remember becoming the part I played. What I didn’t know was that Guennivierre and Camelot were part of the mystical realms that all communicate with me now. I never understood the pull back then… and it was very strong.. but now I do. It was trying to help me remember back then… I wish I could have as it would have helped my world make more sense. But its all divine timing.
Im told that on this journey we meet people along the way who are our soul family. And Im finding this to be true. They can “see” me. Probably because we are all connected in the same way. I can feel them even when they aren’t near. And I know they feel me. It’s really kind of cool. But for the first time in my life.. I fit. My Mom will probably read this and wonder.. “what the heck?” But I hope not. It has nothing to do with my family or people I grew up with. It just is what it is. Im learning how we come here.. the paths we choose and the lessons we choose before we incarnate. Even that concept is hard to grasp for me.. but Im starting to understand it. It’s making sense. When I did the past life regression a couple of months ago… you will recall that I didn’t make it through those lives. Then here I am in this life with all the pains of those 3 (and god knows how many others) lives, having to figure out how to survive those lessons. I had integrated those lives with my own life now and made some sense of how it all came to be and really thought I had it figured out and could put it behind me. But then there are these moments when it creeps in and says. HELLO!!!! Im still here! Then I wonder if those feelings and senses of loss and pain will ever truly be gone. And maybe they’re not supposed to be… maybe Im just meant to learn how to live with it all and keep going on. Maybe that is the real lesson.
I took this pic one day when I was driving… it had been a hard day and these wings let me know everything was going to be ok. 🙂
In 2 days I go for my level 3 Lightarian Reiki, as well as my first Lightarian Ray attunement (Empowerment). I felt incredible after my last attunement and opened so much… Im excited for these attunements. They help me grow and learn. And one day I will pass on what Im learning. In some ways that is what this blog is about. It’s for me… but it’s also for others out there who are also growing and maybe a little lost. This is to let you know you are not alone. You are never alone.
On Sat., Feb 5th I will be doing Integrated Energy Therapy with a kick of Lightarian Reiki at the Mind Body Heart and Soul expo in Nashua. I’d love for you to experience what I do. It’s going to be a very exciting day with lots of metaphysical vendors, readers, and healers.. Come experience the energy 🙂 10am – 4pm 🙂 http://divinehealing.us/special-events
When you’re snowed in Wed. – Thurs…. take a minute to stand outside while it’s snowing, put your head back, close your eyes, breathe in, and enjoy 🙂
Have a great rest of the week!!!